I had a dream in which i was able to look back on my life and see the mis-directions, which caused me unnecessary pain and loss. I was able to see my motives for making these decisions, and pass it forward to my present and future self so as to make choices out of Wisdom.
I saw places where I made decisions out of a fear of being alone. This is especially true with all of my friends (seemingly) happily paired. I know now that their real gift to each other was the ability to stay committed to one another and ride out the waves in their relationships. When I see them now, joyfully paired after many years of being together, I think back to the moments when I gave up too soon, or lost faith because I wanted immediate change. It was about emotional immaturity rather than proceeding with Divine trust and flow.
I saw where I could have been a better Mother and relaxed places, and tightened up a bit. Of course, hind sight is always 20/20, but I do see where I could have been more edifying and loving, without being a doormat.
I see where I met the love of my life, and how he demonstrated his faith in love in me and in us. He was taken all too soon with a massive stroke which left him 99% brain dead. To this day, seeing the shell without the Soul and Spirit affects me, and I know the importance of value of saying I love You, and leaving things unexpressed.
I see that I was attracted to narcissistic romantic partners, which has been a 20+ year pursuit in helping to free other people from theirs (including why they are attracted to them). Narcissists can be very charming in the beginning to hook you, but you end up as the supply, and having severe detrimental health issues. It has taken real work to regain my health, and detaching emotionally from their energy.
I have learned the value of friendship and how precious it is in later years. The importance of having people in your life that know everything about you and still love you. This reciprocity makes the difference between a life of loneliness and a life fulfilled. It is our loving friendships, both animal and human that define the beauty in life.
I would share with my younger self not to stress about finances, money is simply another currency. I am at the helm of my abundance always, through my dedication to staying in the energy of light and love.
I have learned that marriage is not necessarily for me, and that in fact, my soul contract in this lifetime did not include being married. Committed yes, but not married. To me, it was and is a form of enslavement that bothers me deeply. I am and never will be the person that has matching workout clothes for the gym! My true soulmate, Scotty, understood this about me, and that is why we worked so well. He and I were and are free spirits where self expression is critical to our well being.
I have learned that I would have my kids all over again. They still bring so much happiness and joy to my life, seeing them succeed, grow, and evolve, has been heart lifting. I love my children, now adults, living full and meaningful lives.
I have learned that aging is positive, for with it comes deep Wisdom and a knowing of my true self worth.
Above all I have learned that after the degrees, education, zen retreats, and life experience, that in the end it is about love. Deep, committed, unwavering, unconditional love and acceptance. I have learned to forgive others and myself for the past, so that I can progress into a consistently joyful and authentic life.
I have learned that I am deeply committed to the ethical treatment of our world, people, and animals. My heart is so deeply connected to the ethical treatment of animals, that I donate my time and attention to the progression of these causes, and I adore them.
I have learned the importance of loving family, or what I call, the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are blood and you will always be connected. Make the most of it, love them despite some of the things that have occurred, and I love our history together. Be loving and loyal, and do make time for each other.
I have learned that you cannot run from your problems that they will follow you until you "get it and wake up" to the deep self work that you need to do to evolve past them. Some of these lessons have taken a lifetime, and I am still in the process of unraveling them, and setting myself free. It feels to me like nets that I am tangled up, and I am having to extricate myself a bit each day. As I do this, though, I feel better, stronger, more joyful, and connected to my Divine Purpose for being here.
Then I find myself bumping into love again, where I feel the light around me, the support, assistance, and immense gratitude for the many gifts that I have in my life now.
Live each day with the abundance,and know Dear Ones, how deeply I love you and I believe in you.
In Divine Love and Truth,