Spirit has asked me to address the topic of Emotional Abuse. My perspective as an intuitive is always "where is the healing?" The reason that Spirit has asked me to write about this is not only to reassure you if you have been in an emotionally abusive situation, but to bring clarity to those that are either entering into a relationship or are in a relationship with someone having survived this in their lives. Survivor vs victim is the also the angle of this blog, and I approach it with the greatest love and care possible.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Any situation in which you were consistently belittled, isolated, controlled, consistently criticized, yelled at for the smallest infraction of another's "rules", failed to be recognized for your accomplishments and had your failures dragged out into the open (either in isolation or worse yet in front of a group), and where the people or persons running you down ostracized you openly. While it can be bundled in with other types of abuse, we are focusing on the emotional or somatic aspect today.
For anyone that has been in an Emotionally Abusive relationship, whether it was your family of origin, workplace, friendship, or romantic partner, each day is a choice for healing and rebuilding trust with the right relationships.
JUMPING FROM ONE FAILED RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER: You may find yourself jumping from one relationship to another, hoping to find someone that simply loves you for you. But you quickly realize that they are essentially the same as the person that was abusive to you. If you are finding that you have a string of relationships like this, you are still attracted to being belittled.
SOLUTION: Please feel encouraged, there is hope! You are attracted to what you know, yet this does not have to be your choice. Take things slow, let things blossom on their own. Refrain from jumping into a physical relationship too fast and take time to really get to know what they are like. You will again learn to trust and rebuild your own intuition.
YOUR CANNOT FEEL LOVE FOR ANYONE AFTER LEAVING THE EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP: You cannot feel deeply or you may feel numb to life. There may be a lack of passion for your life. You want to feel again, but feeling meant pain to your body, mind, and spirit.
SOLUTION: Realize that your feelings will come back in stages: as your heart opens, your mind is no longer working from a crisis standpoint, and you see the "proof in the pudding" manifesting around you. If you are seeing someone who says they will call at 10 a.m., and they call at 10 a.m., you are opening up to feeling a small moment of happiness (they kept their promise). The more moments that you have like this, the more you will feel. The more you feel, the more you are back in flow with trusting yourself.
I AM A VICTIM: You feel broken and scarred inside, and that if people really knew you, they would not love you.
SOLUTION: You are not broken Dear Heart! You are a survivor! You are living, breathing, eating, sleeping, and still engaging in life despite the circumstances of your past. Change the noun. I am a survivor, I am empowered, and claim my joyful life!
I FEEL LIKE A DOORMAT AND NOBODY LISTENS TO ME: You may feel like you are not heard, or that people glaze over when you are in conversation with them. You find your time and energy getting taken advantage of on a regular basis.
SOLUTION: Utilize your beautiful voice! Keep your energy and messages positive. When you find your thoughts turning to being used, change that by literally saying out loud, "I have healthy boundaries, and the ability to say no!" The power of your yes gains validity when you begin to say no. Spirit is not suggesting that this be unkind, but firm. Take back your power as a survivor! You are now the one determining your course in your life, it is not outside you, but determined with each positive choice.
YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF JUSTIFYING OR OVER-EXPLAINING YOURSELF: You find that you over share at times, and after the fact, wonder "why do I do this?"
SOLUTION: Please be gentle with yourself. <3 When someone asks if you can do something, keep it simple (i.e. Can you watch our house while we are on vacation? No, I am not available those dates.) Your detailed explanations are to gain the approval and the empathy of those around you. You are changing! You do not need to explain nor justify yourself and give away your energy nor the control in your life. Answer simply and honestly. The new you is confident and has healthy boundaries.
YOU SEE EVERYONE AROUND YOU BEING SUCCESSFUL: You see everyone have manifestations of abundance, whether it is getting that raise, getting married.engaged, or good things happening all the time to them. You seem to be the one that is not getting the promotion you applied for, and does not seem to win.
SOLUTION: Get rid of toxic thinking, for that is a major blockage to receiving the abundance that you seek! Highly successful people think positively and envision their success before they even start a new endeavor. You are a survivor, and no longer the victim. You create positive change in your life, opening the doors wide to the right relationships and abundance in all facets. Abundance is more than money and when you are in this positive flow (which you can be for the rest of your joyful life!), it is in all areas of your life.
INTUITION: You have trouble trusting your own basic intuition due to your history. Because you come into emotional understandings at different ages and stages, if you were yelled at, exposed to aguing (especially if you were involved), the natural places where you would have learned to trust your instincts may have been thwarted or repressed.
SOLUTION: Rebuild trust in your intuition in nano moments. Take those small decisions that you make each day, and go with what you are intuitively FEELING. When that decision is validated for being right, you have already built trust. Trust has to start with you, it cannot be an external process. When you begin to trust yourself, you can begin to trust the right people, circumstances, and decisions.
YOU HAVE TROUBLE LETTING PEOPLE IN: It may feel like you can only get so close to someone and hit the same wall each time. Just when things are going well, you feel yourself pulling back and feeling anxious or insecure unexpectedly. You feel like you cannot trust that a good thing will last. If you start having an excess of moments throughout the day, especially if your romantic partner is late in contacting you or has not replied to your phone call, text message, email, or social media post.
SOLUTION: The moment that you feel yourself getting short of breath or anxious (can also start with dizziness or vertigo), stop the messages being sent to your body via your body's chemistry "I will never be good enough"
"I am broken"
Whatever the negative programmng, stop it and replace it!
"I am calm"
"I am loved"
"I am a Divine Child with my Angels here to guide and protect me"
"I am safe"
YOU FIND YOURSELF APOLOGIZNG FOR THINGS THAT YOU HAVE NOT DONE ALL THE TIME: You feel that this is at least gives you some breathing room and some peace in your life. You may feel discouraged and wonder if you will ever be able to have a day where you don't have to say "I am sorry" for nearly everything that you do.
SOLUTION: This is where you can see change quickly. Stop apologizing for everything. Only say I am sorry if you have actually done something that you have actually done! If you have not done it, there is no need to apologize. It does not make things better, but only locks the pattern of emotional abuse in further. Rather than apologize, empathize: It sounds like you had a challenging day. I hope that you will feel better this evening.
In this empathy, you have not given away your power, but are setting new and healthier boundaries, firm boundaries. In energy medicine one of the colloquialisms is "fuzzy boundaries." The new and empowered you empathizes and does not give away their personal power.
SELF SABOTAGING AND SELF DEFEATING BEHAVIORS: If you are about to do something that is important for your growth, and you are feeling unsafe, you may self sabotage. You may go into the activity thinking "I will try to succeed, even though I have not before."
SOLUTION: Change the message! I can do this! By doing so you are shifting the programming.
Oftentimes this will emerge in social situations where you feel unsure of yourself. You have already trusted your newly programmed intuition to TRUST, so go for it! Every time that you do so, you are establishing a healthy relationship with yourself and will open your world up a little more to happiness each day. You will find yourself meeting people that bring joy and validation into your life. You will feel the contrast of healthy and happy, vs. controlling and negative. You will make the right decisions for your joyful life. Please do seek a qualified therapist or counselor to assist you in processing and clearing things as they arise.
If you are coming into a relationship with someone that has gone through an emotionally abusive life or situation, please be loving and patient with them. Go slow, keep your promises, and be consisent in the way that you show that you love them. That becomes their new relationship reality. Be a positive presence, and by all means hold a healthy boundary for the two of you. Let them come to their own solutions prior to jumping in and assisting them. They need to learn that they are strong in their individuality. Empower rather than enable. Support rather than assume the responsibility for their life. It may feel like it takes an eternity to get them to commit, say I love you, and to break through to that beautiful person that you see hiding. It is well worth the time and effort to see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon.
I love you and I believe in your ability to live a fully and joyfully realized life Dear Ones!
Take this day, be confident, and know that each day that you commit to stepping into new and healthier thinking, you are better than the day before.
Please give us a call if we can be of support to you. It is a joy to be part of your journey.
In Divine Love,