It is a genuine pleasure to connect with you today. I am excited to cover the area of love and it is enough for a happy long term relationship. Let us get our scuba gear on, and go deep into how to be happy in a long term relationship!
Myth: It is my romantic partner's responsibility to make me happy.
Fact: You as an individual are responsible for your own happiness. That is a great deal of pressure for any romantic partner. Happiness is a personal choice and you have the power to bring happiness to your life.
Myth: Love is enough to make our relationship work.
Fact: Love is a grand place to start, but more is needed. Clear communication, fidelity, trust, intimacy, making each other a priority, the support of family and friends. There is more involved that love, for being "in love": will pass and you have the opportunity to grow into a deeper love, the kind that does last a lifetime.
Myth: If they loved me, they would "make it up" to me.
Fact: You cannot make up the past, nor go back to that moment when you were hurt or where the breach of trust occurred, You can, however, take the wisdom from your past and apply now and in the future. Making it up to you is living in the past.
Myth: I can forgive and let go in one sitting.
Fact: Forgiveness and letting go happen in micro moments and over time. When you start to replay the tapes of being hurt, insert forgiveness and let it go. You cannot re write the past, but you can most certainly be present in your life by letting go as it comes up in your mind, or emotional memory. You can have a happier life and relationships by learning to forgive, really forgive, moving happily forward in your own life.
Myth: I do not have to communicate something more than once if it is important to me.
Fact: It takes awhile for you and a romantic parnter to get to know each other. They may forget that you are allergic to peanuts, and you may forget they prefer cauliflower over broccoli. Take the time to reiterate your preferences, and in a way that is more informational than coercive. Listen and share patiently and kindly.
Myth: I can make my romantic partner do what I want, when I want.
Fact: While you could force your romantic partner to do something, it does not build trust. It actually creates negative feelings between the two of you! This erodes trust, and trust is much harder to rebuild once established.
Myth: Trust and respect are built quickly in a relationship.
Fact: Trust and respect are established over time. Think of it like building your credit score. You cannot have a high credit score in a day, nor even a week. It is the repetition of wise choices and actions that create your high credit rating. Checking your credit score repeatedly (as in interrogating your romantic partner) will love your score.
Myth: Intimacy is not all that important in a long term romantic relationship/marriage.
Fact: Intimacy (whether holding hands, sending loving messages, or making love) matters! Intimacy is a state of mind between the two of you as much as a matter of the heart. It is a connection of your body, mind, and spirit. Intimacy is in every loving action, word, and thought. Tying in the above idea of you each being responsible for your own happiness, when you are both in the flow of this, then the relationship is happy and the emotional intimacy is ever present.
Myth: If he/she loves me, they will text/call/email/message me right back.
Fact: With busy work schedules, meetings, kids, and life, they may not have time that "moment" to get back to you. This energy can begin to turn coercive. Sending more messages will not necessarily do anything but put your romantic partner on edge. Talk together about what type of communication you would like to establish between the two of you before getting into a committed relationship. Make sure that you are in alignment or can at the very least come to an understanding.
Myth: If we stand together, external forces like family cannot cause us harm.
Fact: Family and friend relationships do impact you. This is one of those conversations you have prior to entering a committed relationship. What kind of family are you walking into? Will your family love and accept your romantic partner?
Here are some things to talk about before confirming a committed relationship:
1. What you are both looking for (marriage, long term committed, living together). This saves a lot of heartache.
2. Do you want kids or if you have kids can you accept and support each other as parents?
3. What are your family and friend relationships like? Are they healthy? Do you have narcissists in your family? Has your family sabotaged relationships in the past?
3. Finances: Will you have separate bank accounts? How do you navigate finances in a relationship? What financial obligations do you have that would factor into your lives together?
4. If you do agree on eventually considering marriage, would you live together first or not.
5. What are your long term personal goals as a couple? Do you see buying a home together? Going back to school? Moving up in the ranks in your job? Starting your own business? Do you want to travel the world together?
6. Your religious beliefs (especially important when it comes to kids!), Do your beliefs come into alignment? If not, can you agree to support each other unconditionally.
7. Agreeing to fight fair: Refraining from bringing up the past, dialogue when things are fresh and resolve when issues are small, if things are too heated-agree to take a time out and talk about it at a specific time later on. Agree that trust and respect are important and that at no time will you run each other, your kids, friends, or family down.
8 What is your communication comfort zone: Using statements like "tell me how you feel about frequency of communication" or "I would appreciate you sharing how comfortable you are talking about your feelings." Using open ended statements will get you much farther than questions (Why don't you text me back? or Why did you wait 2 days to call? Blame, shame, and guilt have no place in a healthy and loving relationship!).
9. Know their dating history: Invite them to share with you their romantic history. If you hear crazy ex more than once, get your track shoes on!
Dear Ones, you can have the loving, happy, and healthy long term relationship. It only needs to be what you and your beloved envision together.
I love you and I believe in you.
In Divine Love,