Bright Greetings Dear Ones
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I was asked to write about what it is to be an amazing spouse. Being a loving and supportive spouse starts when you and I are at the imprinting stage, from newborn to age 7. All of the major imprinting for the type of relationships that we will have as adults (unless you and I do the deep work and reprogram) is learned from observing and being immersed in the energy of our family marriages and close relationships. It is during this time that we accrue the following programming:
1. What type of person you will attract: Loving, supportive, difficult, manipulative, encouraging, patient, impatient. You are programmed to attract a certain type of person as a romantic partner.
2. The type of relationship you will have: You will replay and recreate the relationships that you experienced as a child whether healthy, abusive, toxic, and lovingly reciprocal.
3. How deeply you commit: Very few marriages that I have encountered are 100% committed. It is what I have coined "the 85% rule."
Simply interpreted, there is a holding back in the event that it does not work out, and so that it does not hurt so badly when things deteriorate. If you have learned that love is 100% and that marriage is a loving and happy union, that is what you are programmed to recreate.
4. Whether you settle of hold to the ideal: This is a complex programming chip! Based on the statistics that I have personally graphed in thousands of readings, an admitted 70% of the population settles for what they think they can get versus holding true to their ideal.
When you settle, this becomes a reality that is harder and harder to maintain. When you see other genuine couples, you realize how much you have lost in setting the bar too low for yourself.
5. Whether or not you will attract a cheating romantic partner: If you had one of your parents that cheated over the course of their marriage, even if you were not cognitively aware of it at the time, you are likely to attract a cheater OR be a cheater yourself. The result is often the same, being divorced, possibly with multiple failed marriages under your belt.
6. How the household chores are distributed: If Mom did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and daily "in the trenches" work, as a woman you are very likely to replicate this when you are married or in a committed partnership. If Dad did nothing but work to support the family and was absent, as a man you can easily fall into this once you have kids.
So HOW do you reprogram, and take control of the script?
Let's look at how you consciously raise your kids:
Mothers please raise your sons to be loving husbands, to be sensitive to their spouse, children, and teach them that it is OKAY to be emotionally mature. When you assigning jobs around the house, have them do a rotation on a consistent basis of both male and female categorized chores. Teach them how to cook, wash up after dinner, vacuum the carpet, mop the floor.
For your daughters: Make sure they know how to change the oil, mow the lawn, use power tools, in addition to the female gender stereotypical tasks.
By teaching your kids to break the gender barriers they have a better chance of happy relationships that if they are assigned to a limited set of tasks. They say that Mother's love their sons and raise their daughters. Love you children equally, and give them each opportunities to discover who they are, their talents, abilities, preferences, and personalities.
Talk to you kids about how you know that you have met the "the one" rather than leaving it to google or a misguided friend. Talk about the importance of having friends that are mature and support you in healthy relationships, rather than leading you down the path of "what he/she does not know won't hurt them." Talk about how having relationships as a couple with other loving couples enhances the joy you have with one another. Talk about the importance of knowing who they are FIRST before entering into a long term relationship or marriage.
Teach them to be responsible stewards of their money and resources, and to learn to be generous. Please do talk about forgiveness, kindness, empathy, compassion, following through, and keeping their promises.
Share the importance of taking vacations together, and building trust equity in a marriage or relationship.
And here is the most critical part:
SHOW THEM all of the above, so they fully hear, see, and understand what you mean.
If you and I want our children to see the demonstration of loving relationships, it is up to each of us to embody this by making the right choices, and sharing our love freely, without judgement, and with a great deal of consideration for the people, animals, and world in which we reside and share space.
Take responsibility as an adult, and do the deep work to reprogram your thinking and beliefs about marriage, family, and relationships. Work with a qualified therapist, counselor, life coach, or healer. Be willing to look at your subconscious programming, and to shift that which has never served you. Perhaps you bring a healing component into your family tree, and facilitate change in an exponential way!
Thank you for this time together. It is a joy to connect with you.
I love you and I believe in you.
In Divine Love and Truth,