Spirit has asked me to address to topic of the keys to a successful, long-term relationship:
1. Empathy: Have empathy for your mate. It is not all about you. If you hear in your conversations me me me me me, that indicates a lack of empathy! Empathy is the ability to feel and understand other people's feelings and emotions, acting upon this with healthy boundaries and compassion. If you have a lack of empathy, there is a clear lack of healthy boundaries and respect between you. One of you is going to check out first, vacillating between hyper-negative engagement (passive aggressive dialogue) and abandonment. If you find your mate throwing themselves into their work, they are sending the energy that they used to spend on you into another arena of their life. When there is the loving flow of empathy, the love grows between you.
2. Active Listening: Listen to each other and refrain from trying to offer advice unless it is asked of you. Sometime your mate may need someone to share an experience or day, unless they ask for your opinion, keep it to yourself. In doing so, you let them know that you care enough to listen with love and empathy. You are building trust, so when you they are seeking advice, you are their go-to person.
3. Micromanaging: Micromanaging their time will create distance quickly! If you ask that they text back as soon as they have sent a text to you (could also be a phone call or email), you are micromanaging. They are not your child, they are your mate, and you chose them, ostensibly, because you love and trust them. Micromanaging is one of the primary reasons (next to a lack of empathy) that infidelity exists.
4. Evidence of Love: Love is in the details! Let them know that you love them with small notes in the lunch, an impromptup candlelight supper, flowers delivered to their work or office, trading shoulder massages, and any other small gift you can offer. This also keeps the passion alive in your relationship.
5. Passion: Keep the passion alive through fun, joyful, and carefree engagement. If your life is talking about bills, kids' and work schedules, grocery lists, and the mundane aspects of being together, you can quickly lose that "spark" that brought you together. You can get it back by intentionally setting aside mundane conversation, and having fun together again.
6. Laugh at life: Learn to laugh together (not at each other) to immediately release tension between you.
7. A warrior for love: Be a warrior for you mate, be willing to work through anything together. Have their back, and they will have yours!
8. Ego: There is no room for ego in a healthy and loving relationship. Set it aside, even if you were right about something, stay away from "I told you so" for that is ego talking. Wait for their validation instead, "I should have listened to you sweetheart." Let it rest there, and if you are in person, offer some form of physical affection, such as a warm embrace, or if on the phone or text, ask them "are you okay, what can I do for you?" You returned empathy, not ego, and that will stand out in their memory forever.
9. Learn how to fight: In my counseling of couples whom are looking at marriage (I am an ordained reverend), one of the pre-maritial counseling sessions addresses knowing how to argue. There is no room for disrespect, you can express your feelings without name calling, or belittling the other. It is a poor indicator to getting married if you cannot fight fairly.
10.Forgive: Forgiveness is far more important than keeping a tally. I did this, you did that, my two to your one. Learn to really receive an sincere apology and to offer it out. "I apologize for acting this way, I was wrong to do so. How can I make amends for this right now to you? Please forgive me." One you are forgiven, let it go, and do not bring it up again. It has been cleared, and you can now move forward free of that negative energy between you.
11.Communication: Communicate lovingly, and often! When you get the chance, leave a voicemail or text that says "thinking about you darling, I love you." Let the bulk of the message be sans emoji. Stay away from common colloquialisms like: k, cool, fine. If you are responding to a message that says I love you, please say I love you, and leave the "too" off it. (Nobody like to be at the receiving end of the "too" messages I I love you, too, I miss you, too etc...).
12.Fidelity: When times get tough, remain faithful. If you act in haste and step outside the relationship, you are placing infidelity in the middle of you, and that usually comes out one way or another.
13.Eat together: Eat at the table together with the cell phones and electronic devices away! Let the focus be your time together, rather than responding to messages or taking calls at the dinner table. A childhood friend ended up leaving her husband because he was always on the phone, whether it was the dinner table, a restaurant, family gathering, or being at home after work together. He was always texting, or talking to everyone but her. He was quite shocked when she left, as he thought bringing in the paycheck was all that he had to do or offer.(she has given me permission to share this with you)
14.Keep your promises: My Gran used to say that love shows up. If you make a promise to meet at the theater, do so. If you promise to go the your child's recital, be there on time. If you promise to get something from the store on the way home, make it a priority. This builds the trust between you, and is one of the major factors in couples breaking up.
15. Gratitude: Have your home manners be stronger than you work or public manners. Say please, thank you, you are welcome, and offer gratitude for the gift of their time and attention.
Dear Ones, you can have relationships that are joyful and passionate for a lifetime! Wake up each day asking, what can I do to make my mate happy today? Wake up committed to the two of you and to your family. Let love, trust, integrity, and truth flow between you. A river of love in which you can all thrive.
Please call me if I can be of assistance to you. I offer direct, honest, and compassionate readings and I love working with each of you!
In Divine Love,